Your Side of the Bed
by quietdrabble
Summary: After 15 years of marriage, Bella finds herself all alone on her side of the bed. She wonders if her marriage has simply worn thin from the hands of time. Though, nothing is as it seems inside her tangled web.
1. Chapter 1

**So I'm back! Did you miss me? Okay this time is something sort of different. It began with the song "Your Side of the Bed" by Little Big Town. But, and this is a very big but, it veered drastically from what I interpreted the song to mean. If you feel so inclined take a listen it sets the tone for the first few chapters quite nicely. All I can say is nothing is as it seems. Until the end. Trust me?**

**I do not own Twilight or any music I used for inspiration, this is just for fun.**

**Many hugs and much love to those of you who always help me behind the scenes! ::MWAH::**

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**Your Side of the Bed**

**Chapter 1**

His soft breaths create a syncopated rhythm filling our bedroom. Our wedding picture sits on the nightstand, along with a broken clock and the Bible his daddy gave him, on his side of the bed. The side near the window, where the moon creeps in at night, the side he prefers, the side where he pretends to be asleep lying there, facing away from me.

I lie here staring at the shadows dancing across the ceiling. Another worn romance novel propped open on my lap filled with all the right words, words I miss, words that are vacant from my real life. I wonder if he's as lonely as I am, on his side of the bed, then I wonder how he got so far away.

Slowly we've drifted apart. Honestly, I don't even know how we got here.

Or where here is exactly. We don't even talk anymore. Sure we get up, trot off to our respective jobs, coordinate schedules, attend functions, meet with friends, and end up right back here on opposite sides of the bed. But we don't actually talk anymore.

"Hey, are you still awake?" Honestly, I don't know why I even try.

"Mhm... I'm tired, Bella. Can we talk tomorrow, please?"

"Yeah." I mutter. Only we never talk. Tomorrows come and go, and it is the same thing night after night.

I read and fall asleep with my regrets night after night.

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**E/N ****I'm thinking like 4 updates a day. Sound good?**

******As always, love to know what you think of the story. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Our 15th anniversary is today and we're supposed to meet for dinner. As I draw a hot bath and drizzle the jasmine-scented gel under the running water, I think to myself, 'tonight I'm going to surprise him'. I relish the fragrant water soothing me and seeping into my skin as I take my time shaving my legs. With attentive detail, I primp and dress, selecting a black wrap dress and heels that are high enough to do damage. I keep my makeup simple but classic with red lips as the focal point sure to draw attention to my mouth.

I miss his mouth on mine.

With one last glance in the mirror, I resign myself to make this work. I'm not a twenty-something anymore but I know how to dress and accentuate my features. I workout regularly with the hope he will notice. Tonight I am going to make sure he notices.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Glancing down nervously, I check the time on my phone. I'm obnoxiously early, so I seek a seat at the intimate bar. One glass of French red later, I am still seated alone. There are a few other couples occupying the other end of the small bar, but they do not quench my loneliness.

I glance at the time again and realize, he is now ridiculously late. This is nothing new. This is quite ordinary. Only I thought today would be different.

I order another glass of wine and ask to be seated. I've grown accustomed to eating alone, increasingly more so lately. As I'm nearly finishing with my anniversary meal and my third glass of red, in strolls my husband.


	4. Chapter 4

**Ready for more?**

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**Chapter 4**

He turns heads everywhere we go, so I am used to this as well.

"Bella, I see you couldn't wait."

He sits and the waiter is instantly by his side. "Tanqueray and tonic and when I say tonic, I mean a splash. I prefer to taste my gin." He dismisses the waiter and I stare.

"I see you ordered the duck per usual. Don't you ever _try_ anything different. Change it up?"

I don't respond because he has obviously had a shitty day and that will only make things worse. Instead I excuse myself. "I have to use the restroom." He stands like a gentleman as I leave the table.

When I return, he is tossing back the last sip of his cocktail. He stands upon my return to the table, eyes clear, and I watch him take a detailed, slow perusal down my body with no sign as to what he is thinking.

The waiter is delivering another cocktail for him. "Madam, another wine?"

"Yes, she'll have another." He dismisses the waiter and turns his stare towards me. "Why didn't you just order the bottle?"

"I was hoping you would be here to select one for us ... to share."

"Do you always have to ride me? Jesus."

"I'd quite like to ride you actually!"

"I'm sure you would. Red wine always does this to you. You get all amorous and begin behaving as if we were college-aged again."

I sigh.

"Don't do that. Don't pout. I'd rather you bitch and complain than pout."

"Please. I simply thought we could have a nice anniversary."

"A nice anniversary?" His eyes narrow as he takes a slow breath and continues, "I highly doubt a nice anniversary would make a difference, and you being inebriated will hardly help."

"You know what?" But I hesitate.

"I'm waiting."

"Never mind. I'm tired. I'm going home."

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**E/N Thoughts?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I'm on my side of the bed when I hear him come in a few hours later. I blow out the candle on my bedside table and roll over. The loneliness consumes me. I say a silent prayer for him and then I say one of my own. All I have left are the memories of the love we made. Memories that are filled with adventure and promises, memories that seem so fleeting and were hardly meant to last a lifetime, or so I thought. Fuzzy memories. I feel the comforting familiarity of the warm tear that silently slips down my cheek as his intoxicating scent surrounds me. I could drown in his scent.

He climbs into bed shaking and fluffing the duvet until it suits his liking and rolls over to face the other way. He doesn't even make a sound. I think it has been two months since we've had sex, and I can't even remember the last time we made love.

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**E/N Okay time for a long ass note, you've been warned:**

** I just have to say, I have missed you all so much since The Body Artist! And for all of the new followers, welcome. **

**My favorite part about writing fics is the journey we take together. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me so far (keep them coming) I treasure all of your words and experiences!**

**So far we have two camps set up the feelers (who want to cry as their hearts break along with Bella's) and the doers (who have already resorted to calling her husband names-that make me giggle-, and want to inflict bodily harm on him in some way or another.) Oh and some of you are swinging from camp to camp. **

**I love each and every one of your responses thus far! You are an awesome bunch of readers!**

**As far as your questions, sadly I cannot answer many of them. Though I will say this, there will be no cheating in this fic. Hope that helps. So this was the last chapter for tonight. **

**Still with me?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Good morning!**

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**Chapter 6**

The morning light is streaming in, and the smell coffee is wafting through the house. Slipping on my silk robe, I wander down the stairs, my need for the freshly brewed beans propelling each step I take.

I pull out one of my favorite floral mugs and proceed to pour the liquid warmth, a splash of cream and the most lovely shade of brown appears in my mug. I tip the mug to my lips, but the scorching sip does little to tame the chill I harbor inside. A chill so deeply seated, yet I am completely unaware of when exactly it took hold.

How did I end up here all alone? After fifteen years together?

He's already left for work and though he rarely is here when I wake, I hoped he would be this morning.

He has left a note instead.

_B-_

_Work has been brutal. I'll make it up to you tonight._

_X_

I hold the note in my hand and trace his looping script with my fingers. He used to leave me notes everywhere, in the dog-eared pages of my favorite novels, in the creases of my text books, tucked inside my laptop, on my mirror in the bathroom written with my favorite lip pencil. He used to write my whole name and sign his. Now I've become an initial and he simply an 'X'.

X for a kiss? For love? A promise? Or to mark the spot and signify the end?


	7. Chapter 7

******I have to single out 2 of my readers for a moment: Mom23xx coined the husband, 'the douche nozzle' and it made me actually LOL! Kgunter34 suggested 'suffocation with a pillow' in answer to Bella's woes. I ********love how we get invested in our characters. Let's read, shall we, and see if the douche nozzle has any redeeming qualities before we suffocate him with a pillow. ;-) **

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**Chapter 7**

I rush in from the pelting rain greeted by the scent of pasta sauce simmering. When I enter the kitchen his raw appeal assaults me. He is no less handsome than when we first met. In fact, he is even more arresting, if at all possible. The years have been kind to him; the slight grey at his temples really the only sign of age and it only helps his cause. His features and physique remain distinctly masculine. Eyes I used to get lost inside of beg my forgiveness now, and I can't deny him. I'm weak to his prowess, to his charms, to his stare.

"Hey."

"Hey," I reply.

"You look chilled. Are you hungry?" Concern drips from his tongue as his velvet voice sends chills down my spine.

"Yeah." He holds out the wooden spoon for me to sample the sauce. "Mmm," I hum in reply to his offering.

"Wine?"

"Sure." I shrug.

He pours a glass for me in my favorite stemware and begins to describe the particulars of the vintage and the land from which this exact bottle was derived. I watch his perfect lips move and remember a time when his lips wooed me. A time when his words made me smile. A time when his words were courting me. Now they move and share frivolous details I no longer care about. Regardless, I desire his lips the same. I miss his lips. And how we used to kiss for hours. Now they barely meet my flesh.

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**E/N Thoughts?**

**WOW! I cannot believe the response I've gotten so far. I love reading your words. Some of you continue to make me giggle and some are so sweet with words of encouragement to Bella. There have been so many wonderful questions, and unfortunately, many I ****still cannot answer. But they will come. Hang in there. I can promise, I will not string you along needlessly, but a story does take time to unfold. Still with me?**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Lovely vintage, wouldn't you agree? The ripe essence of cherries lingers on your tongue."

I nod.

He continues and this is how it always seems to go as of late. There will never be an actual apology, nor will we ever discuss last night. If I were to even bring it up, I would only be 'nagging' or 'harping on him'. We never discuss my feelings and he doesn't share his. Everything is pushed so far up under the rug the mounting pile is seeping out the other end.

We finish off the bottle of wine and open another with dinner. His mother's pasta sauce is my favorite, and he has finally mastered the recipe over the years. We chat about inane subject matters, current events, and our schedules, things I don't give a shit about at all. I'm now pleasantly inebriated and filled with decadent, lustful thoughts.

I'm horny.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I exit our en-suite bathroom and my eyes rake over his defined, naked torso as he reclines against our headboard, long legs crossed in his linen pajama pants. The sight of him still does things to me, and I long for him to make love to me like he used to. The hours he used to spend exploring every inch of my flesh with his mouth.

I crawl into my side of the bed, and he tugs me close without saying a word. My heart speeds without permission, and he still elicits the power to take my breath away with a simple touch.

Sliding his hand up my thigh, he kneads my flesh with urgency, then inches his long fingers closer and dips them inside of me. Pleasure floods my senses as I gasp with the initial intrusion. His determination apparent from the glint in his eye, as he works expertly to rip the first orgasm from my quivering body.

Oh, how I've missed this.

Flipping me over, he lifts my ass into the air and glides his hands across my skin. I hate that his touch delights me so even when he seems so emotionally vacant, but I force the thought out of my mind.

"God, I love your ass. You're so sexy." The only words he utters are barely audible, but I hear them. Unfortunately, his words spur me on as he drives himself deep inside me. Pounding thrusts, his speed increases as he grips my hips tighter, filling me with precision. Each propelling plunge brings him closer. A few more thrusts and he empties himself inside of me with a heaving grunt.

He pulls out, retreats to the bathroom and returns to bed without another word. His lips never touch mine, and they don't whisper my name. His eyes never search mine or stare at me. We return to our respective sides of the bed, and I silently cry myself to sleep. I'm sated from sex but consumed with loneliness.

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**E/N So because you all are awesome-and if you know me (I'm super impatient)-I'm thinking double updates today! ;-)**

**Wadda ya think? *now runs to hide***


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, time for a change of pace. Let's introduce some new players, shall we?**

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**Chapter 10**

The rain hasn't let up for a week now. They've discovered a massive leak in my building at work and it seems my office is where the root problem lies. As I enter the usually tidy workspace today, I'm apprehended by an onslaught of foreign sights and sounds.

Legs dangling from the ceiling capped off with worn work boots catch my eye first. Then the cacophony erupts around me: drills, saws, hammers, knocking, banging and buzzing.

"Um, hello?" I speak much louder than usual.

"Oh, hey." A disheveled man with messy hair peers down from his perch above me.

"Hi?" I pose as a question.

"Howdy."

I have no idea what comes over me, but I burst into a fit of giggles. And even more strange than that, the man joins me with his own deep laughter. He has a hearty, musical laugh and it makes me smile; something I haven't done in a long time.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"You have a brilliant laugh. It brightens your entire face." The strange man's words sober me instantly. I'm not used to compliments anymore, and I am completely unsure how to respond to him.

"I didn't mean to offend you. It's just refreshing to see a woman laugh and let go." He speaks freely, lacking any sort of filter. My husband used to speak like him, but not now. Now he is cold and distant.

I clear my throat to stall for time because a weird sense of déjà vu hits me. "I uh … um …"

"I won't get in your way too much. I'm just here to fix the leak in the roof. It might be a little loud today though," he amends.

"Oh. Right. Okay then, I'll just grab some things."

"Sure." He shrugs.

I gather a few files and then realize I'm searching for something I can't seem to place. The odd feeling crawls down my spine, so I shove the files in my bag haphazardly and turn to leave.

"Bye now, have a good one," He calls out, and peers down at me with an easy smile, and his eyes almost stare through me.

I find it disturbingly odd, and rush my reply, "Yeah, bye," then exit my office as quickly as possible.

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**e/n argh! Okay so there is construction next door to my house and they have cut our cable lines, and now I have no internet. Get this... their first appointment is 2 days from now. 2 days? Seriously? Ugh! Luckily I had already uploaded this chapter so I am posting this from my phone. ::shakes head:: It is always something! LOL **

**I have a few more for you tonight ( also already uploaded) I will try to post. But I won't be able to respond to reviews until they fix my cable. :-( **

**Just know I will respond as soon as I can, and keep them coming because I read each and every one!**

**;-)**


	12. Chapter 12

**So turns out my daughter needed to access the Internet for exams ... Soooo I had to come to Starbucks for the wifi, and guess what that means? You get another update tonight.**

**I love a great win/win situation. ;-) **

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**Chapter 12**

Rounding the corner heading towards the elevators, I run smack dab into Alice. We have worked together for years.

"Wow, where's the fire, sweetie."

"Alice! Dang you scared me."

"Bella, are you all right?" Alice grabs my shoulders to steady me.

"Yes. No. I don't know." I find myself shaking my head uncontrollably.

"Honey, what's happened?"

"Nothing. It's nothing. I guess the leak is finally being fixed. Someone's in my office, and it's gonna be loud. So I thought I'd just work from home today."

"Okay. Oh, how'd your anniversary go the other night?" Alice's innocent inquiry erupts a flurry of emotion to surge and break the surface as tears began to well in my eyes.

"Oh, God! Sweetie, don't cry. Crap. Why don't you come in and sit for a minute?" Alice herds me back into her office and shuts the door behind us.

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**e/n ****Thoughts?**


	13. Chapter 13

**So I tried to reply to each of you up to chapter 11, but if I missed someone forgive me. I will respond to more comments and questions tomorrow when I can get an internet connection. For now how about an update?**

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**Chapter 13**

Settled in one of Alice's comfy chairs with a mug of blueberry coffee in my hand, she begins again. "What's going on, Bella? You can talk to me. You know that, right?"

"Yeah. I don't know. I think my marriage is falling apart, and I'm not sure where to even begin anymore. Alice, I'm so lonely. I feel like something is missing, or I'm missing something. I don't know, my mind is … fuzzy, but I just can't figure out where things went wrong or how we got so far away. I know things weren't always this way, but I can't seem to pinpoint when they took the detour for the dumpster."

Alice watches me and her eyes narrow as I continue my verbal vomit. "Bella, I'm sure everything is going to be fine. You just need to approach things with a … slow, gentle hand. Marriage takes tendin'. Talk to him."

"Now you sound like Jasper. I think you two have been together too long. You even had a bit of a twang when you said tendin'." I force a smile and lighter tone, avoiding the matter altogether. Alice allows a giggle to slip, but her face remains cautious. It makes me even more uneasy, although I don't mention it to her.

Something is off, but I can't place what.

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**E/N Next up … we finally hear from the husband. Ready?**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Husband's POV**

I'm yanked from the doldrums of my mind by my ringing phone.

"Hello." I answer my office line with the same unenthusiastic tone I've held for the last eighteen months.

"Edward, what the hell is going on?" My sister's voice demands on the other end of the line.

"Hello to you too, Alice." I huff.

"Don't be a dick. What the hell did you do to _her_ on your anniversary?"

"Alice, I'm at work right now. Can we do this later?" Snapping my eyes shut in an attempt to stave off the shooting pain behind my eyes, I run my hand across my forehead and lean on my desk.

"No! Goddamnit Edward, you know what the doctor said. Why are you doing this to her?" My sister's words stab at my soul.

"Her? Doing this to her? Do you even think for one fucking minute what this has done to me? What this is like for me? Huh? Every single day I wake up with my beautiful wife—who I love more than life itself—in our bed and come home to her exquisitely sad face every night. Every day. Every night. Only I can't comfort her or talk to her. And if I do, we all know that makes _it _worse. When I'm distant she makes more progress. When I'm distant she doesn't have the night terrors. Fuck!"

"What happened the other night?" she presses. It's always the same with Alice, she remains so optimistic, and Bella doesn't even remember that Alice is my sister.

"I … I had a moment. I couldn't … fifteen years, Alice. Fifteen years shouldn't have been like this for us. She would have been—" I cut myself off because I know it won't change things if I say it out loud. It won't rewind time. I need to let it go, move on, but the empty gnawing hole remains in my chest. "This is all my fucking fault, Alice. This is all my fault!"

"Edward …"

"I have to go." Biting back the painful emotions, I slam my phone down and retreat to the only place I can clear my head these days. I head to the gym at the top of my building, holding the image of my beautiful Bella in my mind.

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**E/N Last one for tonight. Be back tomorrow even if I have to go to Starbucks again. LOL**

**Is it what you expected? Talk to me... ;-)**


	15. Chapter 15

**I have had such a crappy morning! Forgive me. I know there are a lot of questions, and I will try to respond to each of them. But since my time is limited with the internet glitch, I thought you would rather have an update first. M'kay be back later ... I think Edward and I both need a stiff drink, though I am hardly as fussy with my drinks as he is when in a foul mood. ;-) **

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**Chapter 15**

**EPOV**

My feet hammer out the rhythm on the worn blacktop roof, and my breaths join the melody; though, the tune is dark, full of despair, like my heart. There are no answers for something like this, no guidelines, no rules. So I run. I run from our past, I run from the present, I run to forget. But time for me is frozen, and I cannot forget.

She looked so stunning on our anniversary. Fifteen years and we didn't celebrate. I couldn't. My eyes washed over her—red lips, delicate neck, every curve and swell of her body I know intimately—wishing they were my lips. Instead I was an ass. I treated her with the dismissive nonchalance I've come to find keeps the horror from her dreams. The devastation has claimed my wife and left a fragile shell of a human in her place.

Pulse pounding, sweat dripping, mind numbing, I push myself another mile and try to forget.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**BPOV**

I toss my bag on the island in the kitchen once home and decide to change my clothes. As I step inside my walk-in closet and discard my suit jacket and skirt into the dirty laundry, I root around for something soft.

Black yoga pants remind me of my husband's warm appraisal so I slip them on. He used to tell me all the time how these were his favorite pants on me. I pull on a tank top and try to conjure the soothing timbre of his voice in my mind. Memories of all the good times are all I have now. His sea colored eyes used to search my entire face, and his hands would roam every curve as he whispered loving praise to me.

_"Bella, you're so beautiful. I missed these lips today." He inches forward to capture my mouth with his own and we kiss. Long, seeking strokes of our tongues as our hands grab at clothing to discard it quickly so we can be pressed against one another, skin to skin._

_"Edward."_

_"Shh, just kiss me. I need to feel you everywhere." His lips tease and dip lower down my neck, across my collar bone, doing wondrous things to my flesh._

_His hands circle my bare skin and cup my round bottom as he drops to his knees, and his nose skims my belly. He whispers across my flesh, "I love you," and then he looks up into my eyes with a warm smile._

I jerk out of my haze instantly and can't place even the approximate time frame. I know we have been together exactly like that many times but the event felt made up, as if a dream and not an actual memory.

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**Still no internet for me so hang in there I'm doing my best. LOL **


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**BPOV**

"Bella, I'm home. Bella?"

My uncontrollable emotions surge, and the torrent of tears continue as I sit in the bottom of my closet, balled up, crying and shaking. The loneliness is palpable and yet nothing quenches its thirst.

"Bella." His voice startles me. "What's happened?" The concern is apparent but he's oddly devoid of all emotion.

_What the hell has happened to my husband? To our life? I'm so confused._

"Bella, please. You're scaring me. Did something happen?" He urges.

"Edward, what's going on?" I manage between sobs.

He kneels down beside me and scoops me up into his embrace. His arms wind tightly around my frame, and his thumb is stroking soft patterns into the side of my face, holding my head to his chest, before I can manage to speak again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**EPOV**

She sits imprisoned on the floor of her closet as locked away as I am. Caged in our own doing—my doing. Faint purple circles tug at the tender skin under her eyes as she continues to weep.

As I pull her close, I want nothing more than to take away her pain. Only I don't know how. To transform our shared grief—turn the emotional pain into something tangible we can grasp—to chase pleasure instead of heartbreak, is all I wish.

"Jesus. I love you so much, Bella. You need to know that. No matter what. I love you," I whisper.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

**BPOV**

_"Jesus. I love you so much, Bella. You need to know that. No matter what. I love you," he whispers._

"Make love to me, Edward. Please." My eyes feel puffy and swollen but when I look up at his face nothing else matters. I see a flicker of something light in his eyes before his whole body tenses, and then resignation mars his beautiful features. As if the thought of making love to me is repulsive. "You know what forget it!" I push and shove, trying to untangle myself from his embrace.

"Bella, stop. Please." His grasp is firm and unrelenting.

"No. It's obvious you aren't interested in me anymore. We barely have sex as it is and when we do, it's mechanical and rote. There is no emotion behind it, nothing. Edward, I'm not stupid, but I can't continue like this any—"

My words are silenced by his lips. Lips I've longed for, lips I've missed, lips that know how to make me comply in every way. He employs them with practiced ease and elicits murmurs and moans from my needy mouth. I'm lost once again inside his heady kisses.


	20. Chapter 20

**Yay! I have a temporary line outside my house for cable again. Posting this one quickly and crossing my fingers the workers don't cut it again.**

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**Chapter 20**

**BPOV**

He has carried me to our bed without protest, but his lacquer green eyes peer down at me with hesitation. The green appears yellow halting me, a cautionary signal that disappears as soon I blink.

Slowly he strips the tank from my torso and lowers his gaze to my breasts. Dipping his head closer, he traces the outline of my curves with his nose, touching but not taking. "You smell incredible. Always have." His whispered words warm my ear.

The first hot lick of his tongue begs permission and demands compliance all at once, taking his time he sucks a nipple into his mouth, worshiping my flesh. He is capable of reducing me to mere sensation with a single swipe of his tongue. Raw noises escape him, as if devouring a decadent desert, and send shivers beneath my skin. Fingers and mouth working in tandem, he excites my body with familiarity.

As his hands inch lower slipping beneath the stretchy fabric of my pants, he circles my swelling flesh with careful strokes of his fingers. The look in his eyes, as he returns to my gaze, is one I've missed for so long: heart-clenching love. Careful strokes turn to mind-numbing pleasure, only he knows how to deliver, as my orgasm swells and breaks.

His lips are at my ear again. "God, I've missed this, Bella. Being with you, near you, inside of you—I need to be inside of you."

I feel my eyes go wide and my mouth fall slack as I gasp for breath and utter a reply. "Ah. Uh ha." I want to say more; there is so much more to say, but the erotic sensations coursing through my dormant veins silence me.

Buttons fly straight from his shirt front as he tosses it aside. He fumbles only once with the buckle of his belt and removes the rest of his clothing in record time. Frozen at the sight of this almost stranger in my bed, I watch with anticipation. It has been so long since he has responded like this. My eyes course over his sculpted shoulders, hands itching to seek his strength beneath my fingertips. I stare at every slight movement his forearms make as he rids me of my pants just as quickly.

Continuing my perusal over every hard plane of his masculine form, he moves to pull me astride his lap in the center of our bed. Grasping his strong shoulders, I steady myself as he urges me down. Our moans mingle in the space between us, and once deeply seated his eyes clench and my head lolls back.

He holds me steady with one hand on my hip and begins to move beneath me. Cradling my head in his other hand, he brings my face back to his as our hips find a natural rhythm. Our souls share secrets as I ride my husband and he makes love to me like I remember, staring straight into my eyes.

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**More? **


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

**BPOV**

_"Edward! Look out!" I hear myself scream._

_I can feel the snow falling on my face and see a flurry of emergency vehicles all around. Faces fade from my view and then there is silence._

_"Edward!" I scream. "Where's—"_

"Bella, shh. You're dreaming. Bella, wake up."

Real tears spill down from my cheeks as I wake. I look around in a fog and feel like something is missing. Something is wrong, very wrong, but I can't place what it is.

"Bella, look at me." Edward steadies my face in his hands. "You're safe. Everything is safe here with me. Do you understand? We're at home in our bed, and everything is okay." His eyes corner me with concern, and I know something is not right, but I nod my understanding between his hands as I choke back another wave of tears.


	22. Chapter 22

** Chapter 22**

**EPOV**

The warmth in her brown eyes has cooled like the coffee she leaves half-drunk in her floral mugs all around the house.

I hate the fogginess of her pain and only long to hold her close and kiss away her tears as they mingle with my own. The ache consumes me too. I knew better than to make love to her. I knew this would happen. This always happens.

I'm disgusted with myself, and the only thing containing my rage is the confusion on her fragile face. Her sweet face with the broken gaze, I hold between my hands. Neither of us will sleep tonight. I will hold her, and she will continue to wake with terror etched on her face. Then she will forget.


	23. Chapter 23

**OMG! You all are amazing readers! Thank you so much for all the kind words.**

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**Chapter 23**

**EPOV**

"Every time I make love to her, this happens. The nightmares of the accident return. She wakes up drenched from night sweats, and it's as if she is frightened by my very presence. Then she begins screaming uncontrollably. What the hell am I supposed to do? She only remembers parts of the accident in her dream and then it all disappears again. She starts all over. She remembers us dating and our wedding, but has no idea who Alice or Emmett is, and she doesn't even remember—"

"I know, Edward. This is really difficult, but the brain is a very delicate organ and we can't rush this." Dr. Hale is always calm whenever we meet.

"Rush this? It's been eighteen months!"

"I know and each time she remembers more of the accident. We can only hope it will be enough for her to grasp onto so she won't slip back into hiding. We need her to remember the accident on her own and not immediately rebury the new memories as they return to her."

"What the hell am I supposed to do? I just want our life back. I miss her so goddamned much. I can't even talk to her!" My shoulders fall slack as I bury my face in my hands out of frustration and try to contain my temper before I continue. "I get angry and resentful. Then I resign myself to the distance. I know it hurts her, but every time I reach out and decide to give in again, she regresses. I feel like we aren't getting anywhere." Even talking with Dr. Hale fails to dilute the anguish inside my heart. The unrelenting, gnawing ache just festers day after day.

"She's making progress, Edward, I promise. You are doing the best you can as well. This has been extremely traumatic for both of you. Look, we're going to work through this. Why don't you go ahead and bring her back? Let's see where we get today."

With a resigned sigh, I step out of the doctor's office. "Bella, you ready?" She simply nods her head and has retreated to the non-responsive shell of a woman I brought home from the hospital a month after the devastating accident eighteen months ago.

I'm silent the entire time inside Rosalie Hale's office this go around as Bella recounts her dream fragments, which really amount to less than the previous two times she had a freak out after I made love to her. She believes she is here for her nightmares and night sweats and has returned to thinking her husband is a workaholic, distant asshole. It's easier this way.

* * *

**And now we have a few more answers. More tomorrow. xo**


	24. Chapter 24

**Good morning! **

* * *

**Chapter 24**

**BPOV**

His soft breaths create a syncopated rhythm filling our bedroom. Our wedding picture sits on the nightstand, along with a broken clock and the Bible his daddy gave him, on his side of the bed. The side near the window, where the moon creeps in at night, the side he prefers, the side where he pretends to be asleep lying there, facing away from me.

I lie here staring at the shadows dancing across the ceiling. Another worn romance novel propped open on my lap filled with all the right words, words I miss, words that are vacant from my real life. I wonder if he's as lonely as I am, on his side of the bed, then I wonder how he got so far away.

Slowly we've drifted apart. Honestly, I don't even know how we got here.

Or where here is exactly. We don't even talk anymore. Sure we get up, trot off to our respective jobs, coordinate schedules, attend functions, meet with friends, and end up right back here on opposite sides of the bed. But we don't actually talk anymore.

"Hey, are you still awake?" Honestly, I don't know why I even try.

"Mhm... I'm tired, Bella. Can we talk tomorrow, please?"

"Yeah." I mutter. Only we never talk. Tomorrows come and go and it is the same thing night after night.

I read and fall asleep with my regrets night after night.

It's been months since we've last had sex, and I can't even remember the last time my husband has made love to me. My life seems so foreign to me and I don't think this is working anymore.

I've decided to see a divorce attorney tomorrow to explore my options.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

**BPOV**

"Mrs. Cullen, please have a seat. So what can I help you with today?" The dark-haired, bland-faced, mild-mannered attorney asks.

"I uh, I don't think my husband is happy anymore. I believe it would be best for us both if I began divorce proceedings," I nervously spit out.

"I see. So your husband doesn't know you are here?" he questions.

"That's correct."

"And you don't believe he will contest this divorce in any way?"

"Yes. That's correct. I believe he is very unhappy." At least that is what I tell myself because nothing else makes sense.

* * *

**Okay, I need another cup of coffee. See you in a bit. ;-)**


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

**BPOV **

I try to keep my hands busy most nights, and the kitchen is a great place to do just that, even if I am cooking needlessly for two. Lately, he doesn't even make it home for dinner. It feels like weeks since I've seen my husband. The only time I see him is when he crawls into bed at night but even then, I only get a glimpse of the back of his head.

Tonight it's Panzanella: tomatoes, basil, cucumber, onion and bread. The chopping will keep me busy.

"What the hell is this?" Edward yells as he enters our well-appointed kitchen and slams the papers down on the counter, startling me.

My eyes drift over the paperwork, and the familiar logo, of the attorney I met with downtown, faces me as I place the knife into the sink and wipe my hands on a nearby towel.

"Isabella, answer me!"

"What does it look like, Edward?" I calmly reply.

He takes calculated steps towards me now and is silent in his approach, sending my heart to race from nervous anticipation. I inch backwards into the kitchen island, and he is two steps from me now.

"It looks like divorce papers, but that cannot possibly be what was delivered to my office this afternoon," he hisses.

I blink in confusion at his unexpected anger. I thought he would be relieved.

"Bella!" he snarls, then continues in an almost whisper. "Is this what you want?"

"I thought it would make you happy."

"Goddamnit!" He slams his hands down on the island on either side of me causing me to jump.

* * *

**So uh yeah, looks like Edward is a wee bit angry now. Unfortunately, I have to go tinker in RL for a bit. Be back in a while. ;-)**


	27. Chapter 27

**I'm back but only for a minute. Enjoy...**

* * *

**Chapter 27**

**BPOV**

"Edward, you're scaring me."

"I'm scaring you?" he parrots.

"Yes," I breathe.

"Really, because right now your heart is racing, and your little pink nipples have hardened perceptively beneath your thin shirt. Are you sure about your emotions, Bella? I think you're confused." His eyes have hardened as he challenges me.

"I … Edward … you're not acting like yourself right now."

"Actually, I am acting like myself. I am quite pissed off really, and when I get pissed off, I like to blow off some steam. You know this about me! Somewhere, if you dig deep, you know this, Bella. If fact, your body knows me so well that it is already responding to what it anticipates from me. You like it when I need it hard and fast. In fact, your body aches for me, just like mine does for you."

With each sentence he utters, he inches his all-consuming frame closer until there is no longer any space between us, and I am firmly pressed into the island. I've forgotten how to breathe.

His words are raw and rakish, and as much as I would like to deny what he is saying, there is a niggling inside of me. My body undeniably aches for him. I hate that he knows this, and that I want it so badly. But the part I hate the most is how unavailable he will be immediately after. No matter how deep inside of me he plunges, no matter how connected we are, as soon as he withdraws himself, I'm left empty and alone.

"You know what I'm saying is true. You know I want to fuck you senseless right now, and you want me to, just as badly." His words reverberate in my ear as he trails his fingers down my neckline and drags the back of his knuckles over my right, cloth covered nipple. The sensations he wrests from my body with ease cause my breath to hitch. His tall form hovering over me, watching me closely as his hand stills and his eyes narrow.

I can no longer think straight, and he knows the exact moment I surrender my senses and my body over to him.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

**BPOV**

My T-shirt is shoved upward, and his face is between my exposed breasts, sucking and teasing exactly in the way only he can do. He hasn't shaved, and the scrape of his stubble against my bare skin causes a delicious burn. I slide my hands through his thick hair and tug as he drifts from left to right.

The alternating light licks and painful pinches he delivers increases my desire as incoherent sounds leave my mouth. In a blur, he lowers his zipper and lifts my body. My skirt is askew, and he has my back pressed against the refrigerator with his hand inside my panties. He slides his knuckles along the wet flesh as his eyes hold me still.

"God, you're so wet for me. Always. Wet."

My hips buck up in response to his words, and I want him inside of me, close to me, a part of me, if only for fleeting minutes; I'll take it. It will be my parting gift.

He presses a palm against my hip bone rendering me motionless as he yanks the small scrap of fabric from between my legs. Then with a renewed frenzy, he is driving himself deep inside of me. Every thrust forcing me into the cool stainless steel behind me.

"This is where I belong!" he forces the words out.

His pace quickens and my grip around his shoulders tightens.

"Deep inside of you."

Our breaths are speeding as if we're racing against each other for a prize at the finish.

"Always inside of you."

He buries his face in my neck and begins to grunt as his hips continue to deliver the pleasure my body aches for.

He's right, I'm confused. Terribly confused.

"You can't divorce me. We … I …"

His thrusts have become shallow but exact in their execution and the orgasm I want—need—is right there.

"Only I can give you what you need." And he does.

God, he does.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

**BPOV**

I can feel the last pulses of his release inside of me as the tiny vibrations of my climax slowly ebb. I tighten my legs around his hips and savor the feel of him inside of me, the smell of his excitement fresh on my skin.

He is only relaxed for a minute before he goes rigid, but then he does something unexpected. Instead of placing me on my feet he pulls us both to the floor. Although I feel the loss of him inside of me instantly, his arms remain around me, and he tugs me close between his long legs on the cool kitchen tile.

We are silent for long minutes. Only our breaths and the hum of the refrigerator taint the still air.

"Is this really what you want, Bella?" he whispers in my ear.

* * *

**Originally, I planed for this to be the last chapter today, and for this entire drabble to only last the ****week, ending (tomorrow) on Friday. Yep we are almost at the end!**

**Turns out I've had something come up tomorrow. Sooooo ... you get more chapters tonight! **

**However, my OCDness (made up word) will reserve a couple of updates for the morning! ;-) **

**Sound like a plan?**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

**BPOV**

_"Is this really what you want?"_

His words suck me back in time. Instantly, I am caught in a vortex where time is frozen but my life flashes before me. I remember our continued struggles with pregnancy and failed fertility treatments. The months of disappointments and frustration all return with a vengeance now.

I remember how Edward was so loving and patient until the treatments began affecting my body, and my spirit. I remember a fight between us that ended against the same refrigerator in our kitchen and his words echo in my ear._ "Is this really what you want?"_

I also remember breaking down and agreeing to finally turn it over to God because I didn't want the desire to conceive to ruin our marriage any longer.

A week later, he gave me tickets to Tuscany for our eleventh anniversary and two months later we boarded the plane with a renewed outlook. I remember like it happened just yesterday.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

**BPOV**

"Bella?" he whispers.

"We went to Tuscany four years ago," I blurt out from the floor of the kitchen nestled between Edward's legs.

Edward scrambles to sit up straighter and turns my face to meet his eyes. "You remember Tuscany?"

"Yeah," I breathe.

"Tell me about Tuscany." His hands cup the sides of my face as he waits for me to answer him.

"We learned to cook together, and we learned about wine, and we laughed, and we made love every day."

"Every day," he whispers. His hands haven't left the sides of my face and he catches a tear that escapes my eye with his thumb.

"Edward, what's happened to us? To me? How could I forget about that? We don't even talk, or laugh anymore."

"You remember Tuscany. Tuscany was good, really good. We can still be good, Bella. We can … I love you. God Bella, I've missed you so much." His eyes fill with emotion, and I watch as they glass over. I'm suddenly struck dumb with his intense emotion, and I know there has only been one other time where he's been this happy that tears have filled his eyes, only as soon as the thought surfaces, it's gone again.

"I don't understand." The confusion begins to barrel down on me again, and I feel as if my mind is suffocating itself.

"I know, but I'm going to fix this. I promise, Bella. We will have Tuscany again, but I need you to remember Tuscany. Hold on to Tuscany. Okay?"

I nod, placing my trust in a man who I have loved for as long as I can remember, and I hold Tuscany in my head for him.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

**EPOV**

"She remembers Tuscany!" The words spill from my lips the moment I shut the office door behind me.

"This is great, Edward. It's the beginning of where her memory was wiped. This is huge, how did she remember?" Dr. Hale questions softly.

"I … uh … I sort of got angry with her. She served me divorce papers. So I … I don't know. Is it really important how she remembered? She remembers! Can't we just go from here?" I wasn't really prepared to rehash our private sexual encounters with the good doctor.

"It is important, Edward, so we can track how her brain is accessing things and what the triggers seem to be. It would help if you could be specific."

_I was pissed off and I fucked her against the refrigerator. Not one of my finest moments as the concerned husband._ "I … we … uh … had angry sex in the kitchen," I mumble the last part. "Then I asked her if the divorce is really what she wanted."

"Hmm. Angry sex?" Dr. Hale scribbles, God knows what, on her pad with her fancy pen. She really can be so theatrical. "What were your exact words, Edward?" She probes further.

Surely she doesn't need to hear everything I said because that would be weird. So I skip to the end. "I think I said, 'Is this really what you want, Bella?'"

More scribbling and nodding excitedly before she speaks, "Mmhm. Okay good. Let's bring her in, if you're ready?"


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

**BPOV**

"How are you feeling today, Isabella?"

"Good, thank you."

"Do you know why you are here today?"

"Honestly, no. I haven't had any nightmares lately, and the night sweats have eased off. But I did remember something yesterday, I'd forgotten, and Edward said it was important I remember it for today. So I did and I here I am."

"Why don't you tell me about your previously forgotten memory?"

I begin to tell Rosalie about my trip to Tuscany with Edward and all the things I can remember, but I leave out the specific details of our lovemaking. Details I long to savor. As I recount the trip in as much vivid detail as I can to Rosalie, my mind wanders off mid-sentence, to our last night in Tuscany.

_Edward is nestled between my thighs delivering slow, torturous strokes inside of me and with each plunge of his hips the joy is evident on his face. He whispers his love for me directly in my ear as I come for him and when he finally spills inside of me, I smile up at him and whisper. "This is exactly what I needed. I love you, Edward."_

"Did you remember something else?" Rosalie questions.

I shake my head in an attempt to keep my thoughts private, but Rosalie mistakes it for me needing a minute to continue. I take it. Then I'm instantly sucked back into the past.

_"Bella, you're so beautiful. I missed these lips today." He inches forward to capture my mouth with his own and we kiss. Long, seeking strokes of our tongues as our hands grab at clothing to discard it quickly so we can be pressed against one another, skin to skin. _

_"Edward."_

_"Shh, just kiss me. I need to feel you everywhere." His lips tease and drop lower down my neck and across my collar bone. Doing wondrous things to my flesh._

_"Edward … I'm pregnant."_

_"What? Really? Tuscany?"_

_I nod. "Tuscany," I confirm._

_His hands circle my bare skin and cup my round bottom as he drops to his knees and his nose skims my belly. He whispers across my flesh, "I love you," to our unborn child, and then he looks up into my eyes with a warm smile. "I love you, Bella."_

I remember our return trip home and missing my period. I remember knowing the exact moment we created a life. I remember the joy and excitement we shared … and then I suddenly remember why I wanted to forget—everything—before the room begins tilting and blurring. Everything fades to black.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

**EPOV**

"Edward, we got here as soon as we could. What happened, Son?" My dad wastes no time as he enters the waiting room in the hospital where Alice and I have been for the last several hours.

Alice came as soon as I called her from the doctor's office when the ambulance arrived to bring Bella to Crestside.

"She remembered Tuscany and was doing so well, then she just fell silent and all the color drained from her face before she fainted." I retell the story without emotion for what feels like the hundredth time.

Calling Bella's dad to inform him was the worst, because he wanted every precise detail and only agreed to stay put if I called every hour with updates. Updates I don't have.

"Oh, my. Poor dear. Can we see her, Edward?" My mom questions.

"Mom. Not now. She's been sedated again, when she woke it was …" Alice takes over, thankfully, because it was truly awful, and if I have to rehash it again, I may lose it myself.

Watching Bella wake with terror in her eyes and screaming out for our daughter nearly killed me, but she finally remembered everything. Only they had to sedate her because she was out of control with anguish, inconsolable. I held her tight while she banged her fists purple against my chest and back.

Dr. Hale agreed that Bella had enough and urged for a light sedation so her body and mind could rest for a while. It wasn't long before the nightmares began and the blood curdling screams continued. After that, we decided more sedation would be necessary.

Now we have to wait. Waiting sucks. I've been waiting for almost two years to get my wife back, and no matter what, no matter how long I wait, no length of time will ever bring _our_ daughter back.


	35. Chapter 35

******OMG! Now you guys are making me cry...**

* * *

**Chapter 35**

**BPOV**

_"All finished with the nursery. Want to see?" Emmett bounces excitedly from side to side as he leads Edward and me to the baby's new room._

_OoO_

_"Bella, breathe." Alice's voice is soothing on the ride to the hospital._

_OoO_

_"It's a girl." She announces as the excited aunt._

_"It's a girl?" I'm exhausted from the long labor._

_"It's a girl." Edward repeats._

_OoO_

_"Edward! Look out." I hear myself scream._

_Our car skids to avoid the deer in the road. Everything happens so fast and our daughter is screaming in the back seat startled from her slumber. When I turn to look at her chubby, little face, the blinding lights come towards us with a fierce rumble. _

_"Nessie!" I scream. "Edward!"_

_I can feel the snow falling on my face and see a flurry of emergency vehicles all around. Faces fade from my view and then there is silence._

_OoO_

"Edward, look out. Edward. Edward." The repetition of my words finally register inside my mind.

"I'm right here, Bella. Come back to me, please." Edward's voice swirls and loops inside my head, and I rush to chase after it. To grasp the tangible quality of his words.

"Edward?" I whisper.

* * *

**Should we just finish tonight? **


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

**BPOV**

"Right here, Bella. Always, right here." I can feel his hand clamped around mine and his fingers brushing the sticky, matted hair away from my face.

My mouth is dry and my tongue feels heavy in my mouth. "I … my throat hurts." The raspy quality to my voice is harsh on my ears as I focus on Edward's handsome, tired face.

"Here, are you thirsty? This will help." I sip from the ugly pink cup he tips to my lips, but can't seem to quench my thirst. His eyes never leave mine, and I know he is worried about me.

"Alice is your sister," I blurt out.

"Yes," he confirms.

"And Emmett came to my office to fix the leak in my ceiling. He's your brother."

"Yes."

I take another sip of water from the cup in Edward's now shaky hand. Then I take a breath.

"We created a beautiful, precious life in Tuscany together and you cried the day our daughter was born."

Edward's whole body turns stock still. "Yeah," he chokes back the tears now.

I continue before I don't have the strength to say it. "We had a horrible accident when Nessie was only eighteen months old. She would have turned three the week before our fifteenth anniversary."

He grasps my hand impossibly tight, and the tears are streaming down my face racing against his own as he nods.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry. If I could—"

"Shh. Edward, don't. It was an accident. I know that. A horrible, devastating accident. I only wish we could have shared our grief. I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you. I'm so sorry I was—"

"Bella, please. You don't need to apologize for anything. I'm just so thankful you're back. I prayed every day for you to return to me. Every day. I couldn't lose you too. I love you so damn much."


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

_His _soft breaths create a syncopated rhythm filling our bedroom.

Our wedding picture sits on the nightstand, along with the clock Edward fixed, and the Bible his daddy gave him that he reads every night, on his side of the bed. The side near the window, where the moon creeps in at night, the side he prefers, the side where he pretends to be asleep lying there, facing away from me, so he can watch our son sleeping soundly in his bassinet.

I tuck the love note, Edward signed with looping script, into my book and place it on my night stand next to the glowing candle. Leaning forward, I stare over my husband's shoulder at our newborn son. "Hey, are you still awake?" I whisper near his ear.

"Mhm … he's so little. Peaceful."

"Yeah." I mutter.

"Yeah. He looks like you when he sleeps." Edward rolls over and pulls my face to his. Our lips brush gently at first, and then he kisses me as if he knows exactly what I need. He does. He breathes renewed passion into me with each kiss, and I am no longer alone on my side of the bed.

* * *

**So that's it for this journey. It was short, but I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed sharing. It is unbelievable to me how a simple story can bring people together, and I am truly grateful for each of you who've shared with me on this journey! Thanks for taking the trip with me.**** You are amazing readers! Best to each of you. XO**

**AJasperForMe has once again done her beta magic, to which I owe her many, many thanks! Siobhan M and Maggie J are my never ending sounding boards. I love these 3 ladies and am grateful for their friendship and presence in my life!**

**I will be back again with something else that moves me sometime in the new year. I'm tinkering with a few things ;-) ****If you put me on author alert you will get an email when I post something new. (If you're interested)**

**Also I'm on twitter, FB and goodreads (I'm always reading something) if you ever wanna chat. Links are on my profile, but I am quietdrabble everywhere.**

**Merry Christmas and Happy New year to each of you!**

**XO**

**~quiet**


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